


Whatever's good (for your soul)

by Sylencia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, past MadaTobi, same age au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 17:01:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18144968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: Madara has died months ago and Tobirama is not the same man anymore. Kagami has promised Madara to take care of Tobirama, would something happen to him and that's exactly what he does.





	Whatever's good (for your soul)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, here's my first try for some TobiKaga. And it's not the happiest fic, as you can see.  
> I have to say it right away, they are around the same age, there is no teacher/student relationship.
> 
> Also, it might not be all healthy. You have been warned.

“You know I only fuck you because you look like him, don't you ?”  
  
Kagami knew. Of course he did, all his life, he had been told that he looked like his uncle. Well, uncle wasn't exactly accurate, they were more like distant cousins but Madara, as the clan head, really had been everyone's uncle, at some point of their life. It was just the way Uchihas treated their leader. Now, Izuna had become everyone's uncle after all.  
  
Still, the words hurt. He knew what he had get himself into the moment he knocked at Tobirama's door, that evening, four months ago. Six months it had been since Madara's last breath, since the day he was struck down in battle and just as much time since Tobirama hadn't left his home. Their home. And Kagami had braced himself to be met with one pitiful sight, with a messy house and, also, a punch in the face but it didn't happen. The house was in the same state as when Kagami last came, one evening Madara invited him for a quick lunch between cousins. Clean and fresh and healthy.  
  
Tobirama, on the other hand, had changed. He had let his hair grow, as well as his beard and he had looked so rough, so .. old, even. So different than the last time anyone but his brothers saw him, during the funeral. Gods, it hurt to see such a man like this. Such a strong, amazing shinobi turned into nothing but a shadow after the death of the man he loved.  
  
Sex never was part of the promise he made to Madara. Oh, Madara had been well aware of his growing crush on the white haired Senju and he teased Kagami lots with it. But these two had been married, before the Gods and in front of everyone's eyes, which made anything like this impossible. Kagami never cared, he knew he'd eventually grow out of it. But he promised Madara on his life that he'd take care of Tobirama, did anything happen to him. That he'd always make sure Tobirama ate properly, that he'd take care of his needs and slept at least five hours a night.  
  
Kagami did just that. Well, he managed eventually but Tobirama all but ignored him for these first six months, not even answering the door. He probably grew tired of him, to open it and demand what he wanted. Kagami offered food. Tobirama allowed him to stay.  
  
How it turned to this, though, Kagami was wondering as he was lying in bed naked with the Senju, he wasn't very sure. He remembered bottles of Sake, one evening, way too much alcohol even for trained shinobis like they were. He remembered Tobirama telling him that he knew about his crush, that Madara had told him. And then, Tobirama kissing the life out of him.  
  
How they found themselves in the master bedroom and had sex was blurry. But Kagami woke up by Tobirama's side, the Senju all but draped around him, snoring lightly. And he decided that if this was what Tobirama needed, he'd give it to him willingly. There was no forcing his hand, after all, no pushing him to. The promise meant only that, after all and Kagami was well aware of what he was getting himself into, and where it could lead him. Aware of his own attraction too. It probably wasn't healthy. But they had passed that limit the exact moment Tobirama kissed him.  
  
They had sex again in the morning. Tobirama had awoken, he had looked at him and without a word, had made him understand what he wanted. Kagami didn't resist, happily rolling on his back and parting his legs.  
  
It became a regular occurrence. Hell, Kagami was well aware how his own clan called him when they thought he wasn't listening. The Senju's whore. Not exactly a good way to be remembered, Kagami always mused but fuck if he cared. All he cared for was making Tobirama feel better and it did work, sometimes. It felt like it did anyways, as Tobirama had, after four months of this, finally left his home and started being seen in public again. Twice. On his own, of course. They weren't dating, they were merely spending time together and having sex when they both wanted to. But it was a good step forward at least.  
  
It didn't mean the words didn't hurt him. He hadn't imagined he'd ever replace Madara, gods he'd rather die than pretend he ever would, than think he ever became that important to Tobirama. But sometimes, when they had sex, when Tobirama was kissing him, holding him tight and making sure he was enjoying himself, Kagami couldn't help feeling like he was cared for. Like Tobirama did like him, one way or another, that he enjoyed what they had, and not just because he might use him as a pretend-Madara. But Tobirama always reminded him of that truth. Of the reality of their situation.  
  
And it made his heart bleed.  
  
Kagami sat up in bed. In Madara's bed, his brain wouldn't stop yelling at him. The bed Tobirama and Madara had used for so many years, where they indeed sleep together and had sex, gentle and rough both if Madara's innuendos could be believed. Kagami often tuned him out, when Madara let details slip without thinking but he remembered some of the words still. How could he ever forget ? But he had long passed the discomfort that first assaulted him when he realized the weirdness of the situation. And he threw his legs to the side, his feet meeting the cool tatamis with a soft sound.  
  
“Are you leaving ?”  
  
Kagami huffed, looking back at the man behind him, over his shoulder.  
  
“Why? Didn't you have enough already, last night ? Is it ever enough ? Or should I henge as him, so you're fully satisfied for once ?”  
  
The words spilled out of his lips without control. He had swallowed them back for too long, now, Tobirama never exactly was kind with him anymore, ever since they started having sex. He always, always seemed to think he needed to remind him of that fact, that they only fucked because of his slight resemblance with Madara. As if Kagami hadn't fed him, shaved him, talked him to sleep for hours before they first slept together. As if he was only that to him, indeed. A mindless bedmate.  
  
Tobirama didn't answer. Kagami did feel the anger coming from him but he ignored it. Instead, he stood, gathered the kimono he bad been wearing the previous evening as he went to the summer festival with his friends before he joined Tobirama and took his sweet time putting it on. He wasn't bothered, really. Bitter, yes, but he wasn't going to show Tobirama he was hurt. The bastard could suck it on.  
  
“You’d never reach his ankle,” Tobirama eventually mumbled, turning around if the sound of the ruffled sheets was any hint of it. Kagami huffed again.  
  
“Yes, that's why he died and I'm still alive, obviously.”  
  
Again, there was no answer. Kagami didn't look back when he left, his kimono hanging open a little over his chest, not caring if people noticed the love marks over his chest and collar bones. The whole village already knew he and Tobirama were having sex on a regular basis anyways. Why bother hiding ?  
  
Tobirama left the village that exact day.

* * *

It was all people spoke about for days on a row. And there were so many versions of it. Some people stated Tobirama had left for a mission, wearing his full body armor, with a look of determination in the eyes. Others that he had been carrying a bag, that he had stated that he was done with Konoha and would become a hermit. The last, which Kagami couldn't stop laughing about, was that Madara had been seen alive somewhere in the Wind country and Tobirama had left to join him.  
  
How stupid could people get ? Uchiha traditions required an open casket for clan leaders, before the pyre. For everyone to bear witness of their loss. And, following Madara's wishes, the funeral had been opened for everyone in Konoha, and not just clan members. One last grand celebration before he was turned to ashes.  
  
Gods, Madara would loathe them for disrespecting his death like this.  
  
Tobirama's departure wasn't a good thing for the village, though. With Madara's recent death, there had been tentative attacks. Other villages thinking they could take Konoha, now the red-eyed demon was gone. Oh, Madara had been feared indeed, Kagami was well aware of it. More than Hashirama ever was, despite his ridiculous title of God of Shinobi, more than Tobirama ever would be. For Madara had shown himself protective of his ideas. He had shown himself ruthless when it came to protecting Konoha and did so with all his heart, never stepping back, using his enhanced eyes carelessly, almost.  
  
Now he was dead, though, and Konoha didn't feel as safe anymore. Hashirama was busy, being the Hokage and a father at the same time was taking a toll on him. With Tobirama gone, only Izuna remained and Izuna was to be feared. He never was as rightful as Madara was, after all, he was fierce and cunning and very, very unstable overall, not hesitating to do what was required of him when Madara hesitated. Even without his eyes, Kagami never wanted to get on Izuna's bad side.  
  
But Izuna was mourning. Madara had been everything for him, the only person he ever truly loved, the brother he had admired forever, hell, Izuna gave him his eyes willingly, forced Madara to take them. But now he was gone and Izuna was alone. So very alone, drinking way too much and Kagami was worried about him. But he was just as scared of Izuna's reaction, did he try getting closer to help him. Everyone was scared and kept their distance. For good reasons. Despite how bad it was for Izuna overall.  
  
But Izuna also was their last rampart, in case of an attack. Oh. Of course, every shinobi in Konoha would give their life to protect their village. But they needed a true leader, a grand, powerful one and they had none at the moment. And Kagami had grown to realize so, listening to conversations at the marketplace or in the restaurants he sometimes indulged in visiting. People were scared. And they truly should be.  
  
Konoha was going to go to ruins, if they went on like this.  
  
It wasn't Kagami's role to run after Tobirama, though. A long week it had been, since Tobirama's departure and no one exactly knew where he went. No one would dare following him either. It was impossible to track down such a good sensor after all and what would Kagami do, really ? They weren't friends. Well. They used to be, before Madara's death but it all changed, that fateful night when they drank too much and Tobirama took him to his bed. They couldn't go back, not after seeing each other bare to the bone, not after Kagami saw more of Tobirama that he would have ever wanted and Kagami knew they fucked up. Of course they did. They should have never stepped into this.  
  
But they couldn't go back in time. Had he owned that power, Kagami would have prevented Madara's death. He wasn't sure how, he never was as powerful as his distant cousins, he was well aware that his level was so ridiculous compared with them but. It would have been the right thing to do. For Konoha. For Izuna. And for Tobirama. But he couldn't and they all now had to deal with the consequences of Madara's death.  
  
Izuna asking for him, that morning, was a bad omen. The worried gleam in that guy's eyes .. what was his name again ? Sarue? Something along these lines, yes. Kagami was never good with names, even of the members of his own clan. But he had looked so very uncomfortable when he whispered the words into his ear.  
  
“Izuna wants to see you,” he had said, almost not speaking up their leader's name in fear it might trigger something bad. Kagami eyed him, annoyed, wondering where did respect disappear but he went on his way. He couldn't let Izuna wait for him. He liked his cousin too much to get on his bad side.  
  
Seeing Izuna sitting behind what used to be Madara's desk still was a disturbing image. Even now, so long after his death, it felt unreal and Kagami was well aware of the main reason why he'd feel this way. Madara once told him that Izuna didn't ever want to become clan leader, that he'd have to find a suitable heir before his death to avoid having his brother take up the seat. He didn't have the time to. And now, Izuna was forced into a position he hated. And it showed, in his posture, on his face. He was sitting rigid on his chair, shoulders tense, teeth gritted. He hated being there but he had no choice.  
  
And he couldn't give up on the position, lest he'd betray his brother's memory.  
  
“Kagami,” Izuna greeted him, his voice soft still and he gestured him to come closer. Kagami did so. Oh. He shared everyone's feeling, of course. He knew he should always stay aware of Izuna's mind. But he was also aware that his cousin would never hurt him for the sole reason that Madara had liked him. On the contrary, Izuna wouldn't allow anyone bothering him too much. It was scary.  
  
“Izuna,” Kagami lowered his eyes, even if slightly, aware that Izuna loathed it when people bowed at him. It was the tradition, as he now was clan leader. Izuna snapped each time it happened.  
  
Then, Kagami noticed. Ah well, it wasn't as if Izuna was hiding it anyways but the strong smell of Sake was floating around the room, a small bowl on the desk next to important papers. As for the bottle, it probably had been set down on the floor. Hidden, at least. But Izuna was tipsy and it probably meant he had been drinking all night again.  
  
Kagami couldn't help feeling bad he had no mean to help.  
  
“I have an important mission for you,” Izuna spoke and already, Kagami's instincts flared up, he sneered ever so slightly. “You have to bring Tobirama back to Konoha.”  
  
Kagami hesitated. His eyes fixed on Izuna, memories of him flooding his mind, all the rumors about his darkness and all the things in did in the past surfacing as a warning. But he didn't listen.  
  
“I won't.”  
  
Izuna's face darkened. As if light didn't reach it anymore. A bad omen, of course, and Kagami's reflex should have been to step back but he didn't. Stepping back would show weakness. Izuna liked him too much to allow it.  
  
“You seem to think you have a choice in the matter,” Izuna's voice came out too sweet and soft. “You don't. We need Tobirama in Konoha. You will bring him back.”  
  
Kagami tried to swallow but found his throat tight. Out of fear, probably. Which was quite reasonable. Izuna was only calm with him because he was fond of him.  
  
“Can I have a drink ?”  
  
Izuna ticked, his head tilting to the side. He looked on the verge of something, for a moment. Then he snorted, rubbing his face with his palm and shaking his head.  
  
“Of course,” he whispered and he pulled a drawer open, took a bowl from it and filled it with alcohol for him. “Here.”  
  
Kagami took the bowl from Izuna's soft fingers, shivering at the contact, his body so tense from the way Izuna's chakra seemed to glower all around them and he sipped at the alcohol, eyes closing. Gods, what did he get himself into now ?  
  
“Why me ?”  
  
Izuna remained silent, for a moment. Then he breathed out through the nose. “You’re the only person who approached him since the funeral. Who managed to enter his place. It has to be you.”  
  
Kagami huffed hauntingly, he eyed Izuna. “Is that what Hashirama says ?”  
  
Izuna's lips pulled in a smile, one with too many teeth to be genuine. “Why would he say anything ? He's too busy and he keeps saying his brother needs time. He can't see how weakened we are since Brother's death and what an invitation it is for enemies to attack with Tobirama gone. He thinks the world will wait until we're back on our feet. Out of respect for Madara. That lunatic has no idea what it takes to be a true leader.”  
  
Kagami hummed a non committal sound, he allowed himself around the desk, to sit up Izuna's papers. Not that Izuna seemed to care, he didn't even react at the sound of crinkled scrolls, merely sipping at his own bowl.  
  
“It can't be me,” Kagami stated, eyeing Izuna's face for something bad. It didn't come. “Tobirama and I aren't on good terms. He'll disappear before I can get any close.”  
  
“Weren't you two fucking each other's brain on a daily basis ?” Izuna questioned, his eyebrows rising up under his bangs, over the bandage hiding his eyes. “Last I heard, they called you the Senju's whore. It seemed serious enough to me.”  
  
Kagami rolled his eyes. “As he said, he only fucks me because I look like Madara. That bastard can't be satisfied with anything less, I guess.”  
  
Izuna remained silent for a couple of seconds. Long enough for Kagami to finish his drink, and fill it again. It might not be the right person to open up to but who else better than Izuna to ever understand ?  
  
Then, Izuna huffed in laughter and smiled. “Hard to pass after Brother, surely. Did you know Tobirama was a virgin when he and Madara started lusting after each other ? He only ever knew Madara. And you, obviously.”  
  
“How is it relevant ?” Kagami questioned and Izuna shrugged.  
  
“It probably isn't. But, I am not only giving you this mission because of your involvement with Tobirama,” Izuna added after a while, leaning back in his chair and relaxing at last. “You are a great shinobi, Kagami. I'm trusting you can find the bloody bastard wherever he goes and force some sense into him. Use force if needed. Bring him back by all means.”  
  
“And if I can't ?” Kagami inquired, keeping his eyes on Izuna and Izuna sighed.  
  
“Then I guess Konoha's end will show up soon enough.”  
  
Kagami ticked. He tilted his head to the side. “What does it even mean ?”  
  
“A war is coming, Kagami. And we'll lose way more than Madara, this time. Especially if Tobirama isn't around.”  
  
Kagami left the next hour.

* * *

Tracking down Tobirama around the Fire country was as difficult as he had planned, if not more. The goddamned bastard was quick, after all. One hell of a sensor with a unique teleportation technique. It was feeling impossible for Kagami to ever stop him, he knew Tobirama had seals all around the country and as soon as he felt close enough again, Tobirama disappeared and he had to find him again.  
  
Truly, Izuna had overestimated him. Oh, Kagami couldn't help feeling proud his cousin would think he was up the the task. Even if he did force his hand with it. But there had been respect, that day, when Izuna addressed him. His tone had lacked some of the pity he sometimes showed for other clan members and Kagami wasn't sure it was a good thing but it was all he could cling on, at the moment. Because he didn't want to disappoint. He knew better but to ever disappoint Izuna.  
  
He already was surprised enough Izuna didn't seem to care he had an affair with the man who almost killed him.  
  
It took around three months for Kagami to corner Tobirama properly. Or, more exactly, for Tobirama to grow bored of their game of cat and mouse and let himself get caught. Which wasn't exactly the complete truth either. Tobirama waiting for him in a inn room wasn't him letting Kagami catch him. And it probably was a trap but Kagami walked right into it, not caring the very least. He knew he was weak, compared with the Senju. But he didn't lack courage. Or carelessness.  
  
The bored glance Tobirama shot him, when Kagami entered the room was only proof of who was leading that game. Tobirama was tired indeed, his shoulders tense, his movements slow in ways that weren't usual of him and Kagami noticed all these little things in one look. But he wasn't there to assess Tobirama's wellbeing.  
  
“You have to come back to Konoha,” Kagami told the man, with no introduction. Tobirama ignored him at first, putting water to boil. Was he preparing tea ? But he eventually huffed.  
  
“I've come to the realization that nothing much binds me to Konoha anymore. Why would I come back ?”  
  
“Your brother ?” Kagami pointed out. Tobirama always loved and admired Hashirama, he was fully aware of this. It wasn't the good answer, though, seeing Tobirama's hard look and he crossed his arms, he bad to find better than that. “Madara's memory, then ?”  
  
Tobirama snorted. “You said it so wonderfully yourself Kagami, didn't you ? Madara is dead.”  
  
Kagami waited for a tirade. It didn't come.  
  
“Konoha was his dream,” Kagami spoke and his voice seemed strangely soft. But he too missed the man, after all. Madara always cared about him. He had a soft spot for him. “He fought his clan, his own brother for Konoha. It's our role, now, to protect it. Yours as well, if you truly loved him.”  
  
“Don't you dare doubt I ever loved him,” Tobirama spat but there was a ghostly undertone in his voice, a soft cracking that made Kagami's throat go tight and his heart bleed for the man's pain. “But Konoha is safe. It doesn't need me.”  
  
“It does,” Kagami managed to articulate after he cleared his throat several times, praying it wouldn't betray his many emotions. “Your brother is an idiot and no one but you can ever take over after him. Or do you think it should be Izuna's role ?” Kagami huffed, shaking his head. “Just imagine it. And tell me it's a reasonable option.”  
  
Tobirama didn't answer, obviously too focused on making tea and Kagami stepped closer, he touched the small of the man's back, pushing a kiss against his shoulder blade.  
  
“I know how you feel, Tobi,” he whispered, using that oh so intimate name, the one he moaned for so long when Tobirama fucked him, when Tobirama took everything he had to offer. “But it's time to go home now.”  
  
Nimble fingers found their way under Tobirama's tunic, Kagami touched his skin slowly, closing his eyes when he felt it shiver under his touch and he stepped around Tobirama, to face him, he leaned up, catching his lips into a short but intense kiss.  
  
“Here,” Tobirama pushed a cup into his free hand, not pulling away, his head low and his bangs falling in front of his eyes.  
  
Kagami sipped at the tea, he hummed, it was his favorite kind.  
  
“You'll know better but to ever think you know how I feel.”  
  
Kagami choked, as if the air couldn't reach his lungs anymore, his muscles tensed, cramped, the cup falling from his hand and Tobirama shot him a dark glance. Then he disappeared again.

* * *

The poison, thankfully, wasn't as powerful as it could have been. It stunned him for a few hours, giving Tobirama all the time to probably make it to the other side of the country again and Kagami was conscious for the whole time, minutes ticking slowly and brain awfully quick for someone who couldn't move at all.  
  
How stupid he had been. To think Tobirama would be that pliant. Of course he wasn't. Tobirama was never pliant and he had been such a fool.  
  
The effects wore off on their own, eventually, allowing him to sit up. And slam his fist into the nearby cabinet, its doors shattering under the sheer force he put into his frustrated gesture and Kagami gathered his spirits and went after Tobirama again.  
  
Tobirama wasn't playing anymore, though. Until now, Kagami, who wasn't exactly a good sensor but had his own network of informers and allies around the country, had been able to follow Tobirama's movements. Now, though ? Tobirama was completely invisible. Probably hidden somewhere, away from everything and Kagami had to admit his defeat and give up.  
  
Izuna wasn't going to like that. At all.  
  
Konoha seemed strangely lively, when Kagami passed the doors again after what felt an eternity. He had been on the chase for almost five months now, running and running after the damned bastard with no results and he was tired. He needed a break for that stupid mission and seeing the same guy, Sarue right ? Come at him the exact moment he put a foot in the Uchiha district was a scary thing.  
  
“Yeah, I know, Izuna wants to see me,” he sneered bitterly, waving a dismissive hand at the shinobi, who turned white at his mood and was quick to disappear again.  
  
Izuna did seem a little more comfortable, occupying his seat. And tired too. He acknowledged his arrival with a curt nod but said nothing as he poured him a bowl of Sake, gesturing at him to come closer.  
  
“I swear, Izuna, if you have poisoned it to punish me, let me at least give you my report so you can laugh at the irony of it.”  
  
Izuna huffed but the tiniest smile pulled at his lips and Kagami sighed, sitting on the surely important papers again, crouched and tired.  
  
“We both knew it wouldn't be easy,” Izuna admitted and he breathed out through the nose. “Have I overestimated you, Kagami ?”  
  
“You have overestimated my relationship with Tobirama.”  
  
Izuna tilted his head to the side and Kagami rolled his eyes.  
  
“I caught him up. I thought I was getting to him. He poisoned me and left again. Then he disappeared completely. I asked everyone I could. No one knows where he is.”  
  
Izuna leaned back in his chair, his fingers drumming on the desk, he remained silent for a while. The fact that he wasn't injured yet was promising, Kagami thought but it also couldn't last. Izuna would have no difficulty killing him on the spot if it was what he wanted. Or punish him, at least. He had failed after all, despite how important Izuna had said his mission was, how he couldn't come back empty handed.  
  
“You do sound like you need that drink,” Izuna eventually spoke and he nodded at the bowl. “I haven't poisoned it. You and I both know I prefer more direct approaches.”  
  
Kagami hummed his approval, he took the much needed drink and swallowed it swiftly, closing his eyes at the burn of the alcohol in his throat.  
  
“It’ll be impossible to get to him now, if he really doesn't want to be found,” Izuna admitted, waving his hand vainly, to emphasize his words. “I know, I've tried, before. We'll just have to wait. You did well, though.”  
  
Kagami blinked at the praise, he stared at Izuna, who smiled fondly.  
  
“Madara liked you for a reason,” the man stated, and that was one weird expression on his face. It didn't feel right, it didn't even feel genuine and Kagami wanted to run away. He didn't, though. “And I'm trying to understand it,” he paused, thoughtfully, leaning on his hand heavily and relaxing even more. “I do need a heir after all, don't I ?”  
  
The meeting with Izuna left him in a strange, eerie mood. Kagami was having a hard time registering these last words Izuna told him. He didn't say anything at all, after them, merely enjoying his drink in his company, then getting him understand that it was his time to leave, by pulling on the scrolls he bad been sitting on top of. Kagami hadn't known if he should thank the man or just ask why him so he did neither.  
  
Thinking about it beforehand might help. Or it might get even more confusing. Kagami wasn’t sure.  
  
His home was feeling strangely empty, contrary to Konoha, when he finally entered it. Like a cold cave, damp and dark and he didn't like it but he needed the rest. He didn't have the energy to stay awake anymore and he slept, wondering what should his next step be. Izuna had been clear enough when he said that going after Tobirama again would be useless, after all.  
  
Instead, he passed out.

* * *

Now he had the time to think about it without being exhausted, Kagami couldn't help wondering why Izuna hadn't stabbed him. It was unlikely of him, to accept failure and he did fail hard with that one. Or was the heir matter that important? Was Izuna serious when he hinted he thought of him that way ?  
  
Kagami wasn't an idiot. He knew he wasn't the greatest shinobi of his generation, and certainly not the best Uchiha. He didn't have a great chakra, nor did he excel in any specific field. All in all, he was average, really. Which didn't exactly make sense as to why would Izuna think of him as his possible heir. Especially after he failed bringing Tobirama back to Konoha, falling for something as simple as poisoned tea.  
  
It was all very confusing, really. Kagami was lying in bed, in his all too silent home, eyes unfocused, arms over his head. He wasn't tired anymore, he had slept enough and late, seeing how high the sun already was in the sky. He did spend the last few months running after Tobirama, after all. He deserved the rest.  
  
The village, though, seemed to be buzzing. It didn't look like that before he left, Kagami wasn't even sure it ever did before, since the alliance. People remained wary of each other, they couldn't exactly erase decades and decades of hate and resentment and war in so little time, despite how hard Hashirama tried. The fool.  
  
Still, it took him a moment to realize why he was feeling so bitter, when there truly was no reason for him to. The sun was shining after all, the village was thriving. There was no threat over them, nothing to be afraid of today, expect maybe Izuna realizing he didn't do his job well enough. It finally hit him hard, when he looked around the bedroom and wondered what he would be doing today.  
  
For, for all these months before Tobirama's departure, his free days had been busy. Taming Tobirama again, at first, then spending all that time with him, in his company. Sex had only been one hell of a plus side, eventually, Kagami couldn't say how many hours they spent locked in Tobirama's bedroom, enjoying themselves carnally as if it was their last day on Earth. Kagami cherished these moments, because of how rare they had been. Tobirama's guilt and pain were impossible to ignore for long, after all, and Tobirama had grown harsher and harsher with him quickly enough.  
  
Kagami regretted it. And he missed the idiot.  
  
The realization that he did indeed made him feel uncomfortable. It was never meant to become this, when he started to go at Tobirama's place. He had only promised to take care of him, he had given Madara his word that he would, were something to happen to Madara and Kagami had done just that. The fact it had turned to this .. to that relationship… it felt unreal. It shouldn't have, that much was clear to him, he and Tobirama were never meant to be anything but friends at most and Madara certainly didn't tell him to fuck his husband happy again. But it happened anyways and Kagami now was aware that he missed the man.  
  
Seeing him in that inn, before Tobirama poisoned him to flee away … it had made him feel better. Running after Tobirama for all that time had seemed to come from despair, in ways Kagami wasn't sure how to explain. Not just because of Izuna's half hidden threats or the possibility of attacks over Konoha while Tobirama would be gone. But .. seeing Tobirama leave had felt like he had broken his promise to Madara, as if he hadn't done enough. And Kagami didn't regret what he said to the Senju, hell, Madara would have never wanted him to let anyone step on his toes the way Tobirama had taken the habit of lately but. He did trigger his departure. It was his fault. And Kagami couldn't help the guilt creeping its way to his heart.  
  
But that kiss Tobirama answered to in the inn, that simple, almost too soft lover’s kiss, had given him hope, at least for a minute. Even if Tobirama didn't stay. Even if he could have killed him with that poisoned tea of his.  
  
He wasn't sure what it all meant, though.  
  
It took Kagami a lot of self-persuasion to finally leave bed to, at least, bath and eat. It wasn't that he was tired anymore, nor sore, he only didn't feel like interacting with anyone today and he was thankfully left alone. Even by Izuna, despite thinking that yesterday's conversation had been nothing but an illusion of some sort and that Izuna would be coming after him, to punish his failure, soon enough. But he didn't and it probably meant that Izuna didn't mind much after all. Or that he had info Kagami wasn't aware of. About Tobirama's position or his current activities. It wouldn't be surprising, Izuna always had his ways.  
  
Finding one of Izuna's messengers in his house the next morning, though, her mere presence waking him up and pulling him harshly out of bed made Kagami's insides cramp with anxiety. He didn't like it, he truly didn't, especially with the way the woman kept glancing at him as they were on their way to Izuna, after he was quick to dress himself properly and find something he could eat on the way. They usually didn't do that unless it was important.  
  
Izuna's expression was grim, though, when Kagami reached his office. Tense again if the way his fingers grabbed on that scroll was any hint of it and the glass of sake on the other only a confirmation of his current state. He didn't raise his head when Kagami entered the room and closed the door behind him, making sure the messenger wouldn't stay. And he walked closer in muffled steps, on his guard. Just in case.  
  
“What is it, Izuna ?” He inquired, trying to sound as neutral as he could.  
  
Izuna huffed. Which was enough a bad sign like that, considering but he eventually leaned back and the corner of his lips quirked downward.  
  
“Make yourself a team,” Izuna spoke, his voice rough. “Take whoever you want. Anyone. Hashirama allowed it. You'll be leading the squad.”  
  
“Where to ?”  
  
Izuna breathed out through the nose, he tilted his head to the side. “North East,” he said and Kagami shivered. “This is what I feared, Kagami. They're coming for us, for we are weakened. Show them our strength. Show them we do not fear anyone.”  
  
Kagami gave a curt nod. He looked up, already feeling his whole state of mind change for what was coming, shifting from the tired mess he felt like, to the trained shinobi he was.  
  
“I know you will not disappoint, Kagami,” Izuna added after a pause and he smiled. “Nor die. I really do want you as my heir.”  
  
“Thank you, Izuna,” Kagami muttered and he really was feeling like bowing his head, at least this time but he knew better but to do so. Instead, he stepped around the desk, he stood by Izuna's side, gathering his courage, he placed his hand on Izuna's, to stop him from having the next sip at his glass. “You .. don't need this. We also need you at your best.”  
  
Izuna huffed, a smile pulling his lips on a wide grin, he tilted his head up and for a second, Kagami was able to see them, to see his eyes stare right into his, a distant memory but a powerful one. “About time someone grows some balls. Only confirms my choice. Go now. You have no time to lose.”  
  
Kagami allowed himself to smile, even if a little, he nodded and left the office, already making up the team he would take with him. He wasn't going to disappoint Izuna, this time. He would take these shinobis down and protect his village with all he had.  
  
It was all he had left anyways.

* * *

The fight was harder than Kagami had imagined. And for good reasons, he hadn't planned they'd stumble on these guys. Brothers, or so the rumors said, from Kumogakure. Their info about these two were quite mince for now, only their names had reached Konoha yet and some of their feats as well but it was the first time Konoha shinobis encountered them and Kagami wasn't eager for a repeat.  
  
For they were good. And powerful. They killed three of their men in the short time they fought and Kagami did manage to wound one of them but not enough to stop them. Barely a scratch, really and they laughed the whole time. Taunting them. Angering them.  
  
The Kumo shinobis retreated, eventually.  
  
Which had been surprising enough, considering they had the upper hand for the majority of the fight. Kagami wasn't sure what to think of it but he decided he shouldn't care too much. That Senju kunoichi he took in his team, did land line harsh attack on them, before they took the decision to give up on the fight. And he would have cowered away just the same seeing the look on her face. Probably.  
  
The way back to Konoha was slow. For Kagami had ordered his team to retrieve the bodies of their fallen men, to bring them home and carrying them wasn't exactly easy but it was something he wanted to do. And something his men were agreeing with as well. For Konoha now had become their family and bringing the fallen back home was their duty. Kagami couldn't say he wasn't thankful for the slow pace anyways. Gods, he wouldn't have managed to run too fast in his current state.  
  
The village was silent, when they finally passed the door. Asleep, as it was the middle of the night, only the guards and the security teams up to welcome them and a couple of them helping his team bring the fallen to the morgue to be dealt with tomorrow. Kagami thanked his team with respect, when they gathered around him after they exited the hospital, he told them they did well. Asked them if they wanted their team to become official. They asked for time to answer, he agreed giving them the time they might need.  
  
Kagami realized something was wrong with his home the moment he stepped into it. Something was very wrong indeed, he could feel it in its atmosphere, in the air and he soundlessly closed the door behind him, grabbing his tanto, thankful he was wearing his armor still.  
  
The air shifted, he turned swiftly, raising his weapon but he stopped himself from plunging it into the intruder's neck at the last moment, his eyes going wide, thanking his sharingan for their power.  
  
Tobirama didn't move. The blade against the soft skin of his neck, despite how close Kagami had been to slice it. He showed no fear, no discomfort either and Kagami slowly lowered the weapon, sheathing it again, his eyes fixated on the man in front of him. He hardly could believe it, and part of him was wondering if it were real, even, that Tobirama was standing right there in front of him. Tobirama never entered his place before, even more, they only ever met at Tobirama's and yet, here he was and Kagami tried to ignore the little spark of joy bumbling down his core.  
  
“I could have killed you.”  
  
Tobirama hummed. “Yes,” he acknowledged, “You are quick.”  
  
Kagami huffed at him, stepping away slowly, turning his back at reaching for the buckles of his armor to get rid of it. He was exhausted but his mind was racing, trying to comprehend why would Tobirama be here, what made him return to Konoha after all that time. It made no sense, as he hadn't been able to bring him back himself and their last meeting felt so fresh in his mind. So very much but he didn't feel bitter for it. No, he knew he should have been more careful. Tobirama was a dangerous man and he was grieving. Pushing him too hard had been a bad idea.  
  
“You’ve come back,” Kagami commented on a soft tone, feeling entirely too tired and he sat at his table, leaning on his hand and rubbing his face. He didn't know if Tobirama wanted to stay, he didn't know if he was going to want to talk at all but he couldn't care less at the moment. All he wanted was to rest. And he didn't want them to fight again.  
  
“Obviously,” came Tobirama's voice behind him, then steps echoed around them and Tobirama sat by his side. Not looking at him. Straight and disciplined. “Three days ago. No one knows yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”  
  
Kagami eyed the man, trying to remember for how long he and his team had been gone. Longer than a week, surely. They did fight close to the borders. And it was far away from Konoha.  
  
“I can make tea.”  
  
Kagami snorted, giving Tobirama a side glance and Tobirama's lips quirked up just slightly. “Proper tea.”  
  
“Ah, I guess I wouldn't mind a cup, if you don't poison me this time.”  
  
Tobirama's eyes seemed to shine, for a second, then he was gone to the kitchen and Kagami sighed. He wasn't sure what to think of the whole situation for now, he wasn't sure of anything.  
  
He must have dozed off for a second because he startled when Tobirama sat by his side again, closer than before and poured them cups. Wary, still, Kagami waited for Tobirama to sip at his own cup before grabbing his, enjoying the heat coming from the china, warming up his hands and providing him with much needed comfort.  
  
“What made you come back ?”  
  
Tobirama drank his cup in silence, and for a moment, Kagami thought his question would be left unanswered. Then Tobirama spoke.  
  
“You.”  
  
It took time for Kagami to process the answer, mostly. It felt so simple, so impossible even and he couldn't begin to understand it, seeing their last meeting. It made no sense, really and he was too tired to think too much. Tobirama didn't seem too convinced, the last time they met after all. Especially with the words he told him right before the poison kicked in.  
  
“You were right,” Tobirama eventually continued, and he lowered his head as he did so. “It is our role to protect Konoha. To protect .. Madara's dream.”  
  
Oh, right, he did say that, Kagami thought, finally testing his tea and wondering if it was a good idea to begin with. But it tasted good. Very good. And not poisoned, apparently, as nothing happened after he drank it and Kagami felt a little more at ease. He'd be ashamed to fall for the same trick twice.  
  
“I loved Madara, you know,” Kagami eventually admitted, his tone low and soft. “Not the same way you did, obviously. And we were only distant cousins but … I admired him. From afar, at first, then he started to talk to me more and more. He was my clan leader but he also was my best friend.”  
  
There was a pause and Kagami huffed. How stupid of him, to think his best friend was a man he barely ever hanged out with. But he had been indeed. And Madara always tried to make time for him.  
  
“I .. When I said that I knew how you felt, I meant it, Tobi,” Kagami continued after sipping his drink slowly. “There's that hole in my heart and it feels it can never be filled again. And sometimes I wonder if it's even right to want it to be filled again. And then .. then, sometimes, I see you and I feel better.”  
  
“I don't love you, Kagami,” was Tobirama's raw answer and he glanced at him, through the corner of his eyes. “I never will.”  
  
“I know,” Kagami shrugged, shifting closer. “We don't have to fall in love. I don't want to replace Madara. But if this is what you want, and it is what I want as well, it can work. Just .. to fill the void. Because I know you have it as well and it's not a good thing, Tobi.”  
  
A silence stretched, long and meaningful. Kagami wasn't sure how Tobirama was going to react to that. He always had been so stubborn after all and he was too tired to give his thoughts a proper review before he spoke but maybe it was best for now. To tell each other the raw truths of their heart, to lay all their cards on the table, once and for all and see where they would be heading with that.  
  
“I ..,” Tobirama began and his voice cracked. Kagami didn't look. He didn't need to. “I miss him. So much. I .. hated him and now, I feel like I'm going mad just because he's not around anymore.”  
  
Kagami didn't answer. Instead, he placed his hand on Tobirama's thigh, rubbed it, from the hip to the knee and up again in a soothing way and Tobirama's posture changed. His shoulders slouched, his muscles untensed, he leaned his forearms on the table, lowering his head. It didn't take much more for Kagami to lean to him, to kiss his shoulder then place his head against it.  
  
“I want you to know that you don't have to pretend with me,” Kagami whispered and he reached for Tobirama's hand, he entwined their fingers, closing his eyes when Tobirama's clenched hard around his. “You don't have to wear that mask.”  
  
It took time for Tobirama to nod. Kagami was almost drifting into sleep now, feeling almost weak but he couldn't. Not yet. This was important and he startled, when Tobirama turned to him and crashed their lips together, but he merely smiled in the kiss, wrapped both arms around Tobirama's neck.  
  
The kiss was wet, but not just from their saliva, Kagami's heart clenching at the thought, wondering if it were anymore possible, for a shinobi like Tobirama to cry but the thought drifted away from him again soon enough as he slowly pushed on his knees, straddling Tobirama's thighs instead. He was too tired, too sore but he was willing to give Tobirama something tonight, as Tobirama obviously needed it. It shouldn't be long anyways. Tobirama was never long.  
  
That was until Tobirama grabbed him around the waist, his arms pulling him strongly against his chest and Kagami winced and choked from the pain. The alert in the Senju's eyes seemed blurry, when he pulled back. Everything seemed blurry, even. Oh well. He should have told someone he was wounded during the fight but it wasn't that bad, was it ?  
  
Tobirama manhandled him to find his wound. He cursed. Maybe it was a little bad.

* * *

Kagami woke up in one of the hospital's bed. The light was blinding, pouring all over the room, he was sore overall but mostly around his waist where he could feel a bandage and stitches when he probed at it. Then he tried to move, to roll away from the light but his second hand was trapped. He forced his eyes to open, at least a little and he smiled.  
  
Tobirama always had looked strangely non-threatening when he slept. Today was no exception.  
  
They didn't love each other indeed. They probably never would. But Kagami was happy with what they had and seeing the soft smile on Tobirama's lips when he startled awake and noticed he was indeed alive, he was as well. And it was good enough to fill the void in their heart.


End file.
